


The Jolliest of Adventures

by Glorfindel



Category: lotr - Fandom
Genre: Humor, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Pastiche, Pirates, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 07:43:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glorfindel/pseuds/Glorfindel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year Legolas and his pet tiger, Peter, and the ever sensible Haldir, the gender confused Orophin and Rumil holiday in Mithlond on the private island their Uncle Cirdan has given them. The five eat prodigious amounts of food while having the jolliest of adventures.</p><p>All that is about to change.</p><p>Rumil becomes aware of feelings for Legolas that he has never experienced before and doesn't quite know what to do, which is fortunate because Legolas has no clue either.</p><p>Plus -></p><p>A ship full of Corsairs have sailed off course after raiding towns at the mouth of the Anduin, and have anchored the other side of the island. They know that catching four privileged elflings - who are nearly of age - will ensure their safe passage away from elven waters.</p><p>Or will it?</p><p>Obviously, they haven't counted on Peter's life long wish to be a man eating tiger!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Jolliest of Adventures

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written in the style of the children's adventure books by Enid Blyton that were popular in Britain the 1950's.
> 
> Thank you to Keiliss for betaing.
> 
> Disclaimer: An affectionate tribute to Tolkien. No rights are being claimed and no money is being made or sought after. The names of the corsairs remain my property and all the rest belongs to Tolkien.

For two weeks, every year, Galadriel and Celeborn took their three adopted sons to the seaside for a holiday. They would stay in Círdan's castle in Mithlond and spend the days by the beach having the most jolly adventures.

 

"I say, Haldir, have you heard the news?" Orophin asked as he let a handful of sand sift through his fingers. "King Thranduil is arriving this afternoon and he is bringing Prince Legolas. I do hope he brings Peter, his pet tiger."

 

"Hurrah!" Rúmil shouted with joy. He liked Prince Legolas very much. "We had the most splendid adventures last year. Do you remember, Haldir?"

 

Haldir was older than his two brothers and he was eminently more sensible than either of them, which is why he always took charge. He remembered meeting Legolas for the first time a few summers back. The prince was a spoilt brat then and knew not how to have fun with other elflings his age. Haldir knew that Legolas was still recovering from his mother's death after being caught by corsairs while on a pleasure cruise. There had been repeated attempts to find her remains and deal with the base culprits but to no avail; all the elves could do now was hope that some information might come to light at a future time.

 

It had not taken Haldir long to establish his authority when Legolas demanded that he direct their adventures because of his royal position; when it came to his brothers, Haldir would not allow anyone else to take charge of their safety. In the end, Legolas, who at heart was a decent sort, had acquiesced after being rejected by the brothers and receiving a good talking to by Galadriel. Now they were all firm friends and Haldir suspected that left to their own devices Rúmil and Legolas might take their friendship even further. He had no intention of letting them go that far; they were only in their early-forties and it would be most unseemly.

 

"Splendid," Haldir said enthusiastically. "We can go camping on our private island, the one Uncle Círdan gave to us."

 

"Oh, Haldir, you are so sensible," Orophin replied as he poured orangeade into three glasses. "I wish I was as clever as you."

 

"Well, you are very clever at looking pretty and making sure your brothers are well fed," Haldir smiled as he took his drink. He particularly admired the pink earrings that his younger brother wore and hoped that when he eventually found someone to love they would be just like Orophin. It did not occur to him that what he said was patronising or condescending because neither word had been invented yet in Middle-earth.

 

Orophin adored his older brother and blushed with his compliments; he hoped that when he eventually found someone to love they would be just like Haldir. "Shall we have our picnic now?" he asked. "I ordered the cook to pack a hamper with egg sandwiches, two slices of thick cut ham each, hard boiled eggs, apple pie, oranges, bananas, treacle pudding and a huge sponge cake with lashings of cream. Do you think it will be enough?" Orophin asked earnestly.

 

"I vote that we eat the whole lot and find out," Rúmil said eagerly.

 

"Not before washing your hands you won't," Haldir said. He walked down the beach, accompanied by the others, and they washed their hands in the sea before returning to their picnic.

 

"What a wonderful spread," Haldir said to Orophin. "You know just the sort of food that us hungry boys like."

 

They tucked in and after a few minutes they had finished all the food.

 

"I want to go for a swim now," Rúmil said and grinned at the others who were collecting the used plates to rinse them in the sea before packing them away in the wicker hamper.

 

"You will not go in the sea for another hour," Haldir said. "Your food needs to go down first."

 

Rúmil sighed irritably and threw a stone off a nearby rock. Orophin, ever the peacemaker, told Rúmil that Haldir knew best and he should do as he was told.

 

"I can't wait for Legolas to get here," Rúmil sulked. "We can go off and have a simply spiffing time without either of you telling us what to do. So there!"

 

"You will soon get into difficulties without me being there," Haldir smiled. "I give you twenty minutes at the most before trouble finds you both."

 

Far away in the distance they could hear the gong sounding for afternoon tea at the castle. "Oh well!" Orophin exclaimed. "Let's go to tea and see if Prince Legolas has arrived."

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

"Ada," Prince Legolas said with a big smile on his face. "Me and Peter can't wait to go down the beach. I am so excited that Haldir, Orophin and Rúmil are here. I am sure we are going to have lots of fun together."

 

"We need to unpack first," King Thranduil said to his eager elfling.

 

"Oh, pooh to unpacking," Legolas exclaimed. "I say, Ada, do you remember last year when we caught that gang of perfidious jewel thieves? I hope we can catch some baddies again this year."

 

Thranduil did not have the heart to tell his son that the jewel thieves had, in fact, been Círdan's warriors who had been ordered by him to move his collection of treasure to higher ground. Normally it was kept in a cave with a secret door that opened via a magic password that Gandalf had put in place. However, the cave was known to let water in when the sea was particularly rough and so the treasure had to be moved to less secure premises when a storm was expected.

 

The gong sounded for afternoon tea.

 

"Let's go to afternoon tea, Legolas," Thranduil said kindly. "You never know, your friends may already be there. I am sure they won't mind if you bring Peter along."

 

"It would be simply marvellous if they were there," Legolas cried, his bright blue eyes shining with happiness. "Come on Ada, hurry up."

 

Thranduil followed his eager son, and his pet tiger, out of the room, and they went along to the Hall of Afternoon Teas.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

Galadriel and Celeborn sat at the high table with their three sons. Rúmil was unhappy because Galadriel had made him wash his hands twice and she had scrubbed his face with a flannel. Haldir and Orophin were smiling happily and looking at the menu.

 

"What is everyone going to have?" Celeborn asked. "They do a cracking selection of sandwiches and pastries here. Oh look, there's Thranduil and Legolas with his pet tiger." He rose slightly from his seat and waved so that Thranduil would see him. "Over here."

 

Thranduil grinned and waved to his old chum. "Legolas, your friends are here," he said and pointed across the room. Legolas waved wildly and Rúmil laughed with joy.

 

After all the formal introductions they settled happily and ordered afternoon tea.

 

"I am absolutely ravenous," Legolas said to Rúmil, whom he sat beside. "I could eat a whole horse."

 

Everyone at the table laughed, even Peter the tiger who lay under the table at Legolas' feet.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

The corsair ship sailed through the calm water, a light breeze blowing from behind so the sails were completely unfurled to make the most it. Captain Bartholomew Blackheart walked the deck, a stolen linen handkerchief trimmed with handmade Pelargir lace in his hand. They had just sacked a couple of the outlying settlements of Osgiliath in a daring night time raid and had escaped down the Anduin. The Captain had ordered that they not return to The City of Corsairs yet, but to turn right, in a northerly direction, when they had cleared the Anduin Estuary.

 

Flasheyed Gripper steered the ship and knew better than to argue with the Captain. He did not fancy being tied to the main mast and being thumped up the bottom by Quartermaster Ironfist; that was what happened to the last man who questioned Blackheart's orders and he never walked properly again.

 

Blackheart smiled, a cruel twist of the lips from an otherwise handsome face. He had carried out the orders from his master to terrorise the Gondorians and had decided to do a little venturing of his own. As far as he knew, the elf haven of Edhellond had never been breached. After they had pillaged the settlement and sunk their ships, they could go back to Umbar considerably richer, with their master none the wiser. The crew would share the spoils of Edhellond, and only give to the one who directed them what was already onboard the ship. It felt good to be so devious.

 

The Far away in the east the Master of the Corsairs had other ideas. You want to sack the elf haven of Edhellond, do you? he thought to himself and smiled. Looking into a large crystal scrying ball he could see the ship clearly. Captain Bartholomew Blackheart was pacing up and down the deck, looking very pleased with himself. The Master of the Corsairs felt a sudden anger at Blackheart's deception and then he smiled. Yes, the corsairs would sack an elf haven but not the one they thought they would. He waved his hand and all was in place. This should be interesting, the Master thought and then he laughed, a loud crashing peal that shook the very foundations of his stronghold.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

Haldir stood with his checklist. The other elflings were packing the boat from a cart brought down to the beach by two servants who waited patiently for it to be unloaded.

 

"Tents?" Haldir asked.

 

"All packed," Orophin replied. "All that needs to be packed now is the food." Four large hampers of food were placed in the boat. "That should be enough to see us through until breakfast tomorrow morning at least."

 

"Without your planning we would all starve," Haldir said admiringly.

 

"Gosh, Haldir," Orophin said and felt himself blush. "You do say such wonderful things. I couldn't bear it if any of us went hungry."

 

The elflings climbed into the boat and took up a set of oars each. Peter decided to swim alongside. The island was not very far out and could easily be seen from the mainland so he would not have to swim too far.

 

After twenty minutes of hard rowing they reached the shore of the pincer-shaped island. Uncle Círdan had warned them never to go to the other side of the island, which had a ridge of mountains along the spine, because they could not be seen from the mainland and if they were in trouble then no one would know to rescue them. Haldir and Orophin thought this a very sensible precaution indeed, while Rúmil and Legolas privately thought their Uncle Círdan was a silly old duffer with the nerves of a maiden aunt.

 

"Let's drag the boats up the shore and put the tents up," Haldir said. "Perhaps when we have finished you could rustle us up a nice meal."

 

"Yes! I am famished," Legolas said as he pulled the tents from the boat. "Bagsy me and Rúmil sleep in the larger tent; we have to fit Peter in, after all."

 

"They are the same size this year," Haldir smiled as he unrolled the canvas. "Uncle Círdan said that we need larger tents because we are growing lads."

 

"Hurrah, for Uncle Círdan," Rúmil and Legolas shouted.

 

Soon the tents were up and the sleeping bags installed. Haldir ordered Legolas and Rúmil to collect some firewood from the forest and to take Peter the tiger with them. "He will look after you both and stop you from getting into mischief," Haldir said and laughed.

 

"Come on Peter," Legolas shouted as he ran into the forest, his loose blond hair tumbling and flying in the cross wind. "Let's go into the forest and be really naughty. Come on Rúmil. We can go into the forest and be really badly behaved."

 

"I do hope they are safe," Orophin said. "Still, they should be. Uncle Círdan said that the dangerous animals all live on the other side of the island and they cannot get over the mountains."

 

"I am sure that we will all be safe. Wild animals would never dare attack ones with such illustrious parent's," Haldir said.

 

"You are so right," Orophin said as he unpacked the kettle from the crate. "I wish I did not worry so much."

 

"You can't help it," Haldir said, putting his arm around Orophin. "It is well known that those with confused gender issues tend to worry more than most. It is because you care more."

 

"You are so sensible and reassuring, Haldir," Orophin smiled and slipped his pink sandals off so he could sift the sand between his bare toes.

 

"Is that Nana's red nail polish?" Haldir asked. "It is very pretty."

 

Orophin blushed. "Yes Nana gave it to me when I admired it on her nails. It looks rather good on my toes, don't you think?"

 

"I hope that when I meet my soul mate they are just like you," Haldir said admiringly.

 

"Gosh! Haldir you do say some of the loveliest things." Orophin stood up and waved to Legolas and Rúmil who were carrying a bundle of dry wood. "Hurry up; I want to make a pot of tea."

 

The rest of the day was spent exploring the island. Because they were normally well behaved and heeded warnings about dangerous animals, the elflings made sure not to go around the other side of the island. They returned early in the evening to sit by the campfire. The wild boar they caught during their exploration of the forest was happily roasting on the spit. They drank ginger beer and sang jolly camping songs while toasting marshmallows over the fire.

 

Later in the evening when they had eaten all of the wild boar and a huge sponge cake with lashings of strawberries and cream, they went to bed. Haldir lay in the tent in his sleeping bag. Orophin was over the other side fast asleep, his breathing steady and even. He could hear Legolas and Rúmil telling each other scary stories. Haldir smiled; later on he could see them crawling into the tent with him and Orophin because they were too scared to sleep.

 

It was a fine night and so Haldir decided to leave the tent and sit outside to look at the stars. A boat was approaching the shore and two elven warriors jumped into the surf and pulled the boat up the shore.

 

"How are you all faring?" Silimaurë asked, his bright blue eyes twinkling merrily. "Your Uncle Círdan sent us to check on you, there is a strange mist over the sea and he said to stay put if it engulfed the island. These fogs never last long but this one looks unusual indeed."

 

Aikanáro, the other warrior, smiled at Haldir. "How your Uncle Círdan fusses so," he said. "Still, he has your best interests at heart. Lucky you are so sensible. I am sure you will keep your brothers and Prince Legolas out of trouble."

 

"I say," Silimaurë said with a jolly grin. "You might all have to be rescued."

 

"What a jolly caper that would be," Haldir replied enthusiastically. "That would indeed be a tale to tell at Lothlórien Junior Warriors' boarding school."

 

"We will leave you now and report that you are safe," Aikanáro said. "Tally Ho, Sil. Last one in the boat is a dirty beggar."

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

"Forward!" Bartholomew Blackheart shouted as he swaggered across the deck. "We have sailed through early morning sea mists before. Forward, I say, you lily livered bunch of faint hearted dogs. You knew that you could not clutch onto your mother's skirts when you came aboard; now sail as though we were daring Sauron himself."

 

The ship sailed into the thick mist. Flasheyed Gripper had never seen one as dense before and he considered that it boded ill for all of them. If only they had been able to go home and not sail on Edhellond; it did not do to defy the Master of the Corsairs. A dread chill went through his bones when he thought of the punishment they would receive from him. "We are sailing to disaster," he murmured softly to himself. "Ossë save us from ourselves."

 

"What did you say?" Bartholomew Blackheart asked with eyes narrowed into suspicious slits. "Were you praying?"

 

"Wot me?" Flasheyed Gripper said as if surprised and highly offended.

 

"Yes you."

 

"I was memorising our last point just in case we get lost."

 

"And you have to say it out loud to yourself, do you?" Bartholomew Blackheart sneered and then twirled the end of his black moustache with his fingers.

 

"It helps keep it in my memory," Flasheyed Gripper said, fully recovered from his shock at being overheard.

 

Bartholomew Blackheart stepped away. "I am going to keep my eye on you," he said and walked away.

 

The mist encroached over the deck of the ship and was opaque enough to cause the sight to falter unless the desired object was within a foot of vision. Bartholomew swaggered straight into the main mast and knocked himself out, emitting a strange sound as he fell.

 

"What was that?" Flasheyed Gripper shouted; he could see no one. "Are you all right, Captain?"

 

Quartermaster Ironfist was already on deck. He felt his way along until he reached the main mast and kicked at the heap on the floor. "Who is this that is sleeping?" he said. His hands scrabbled down and felt the face of the one he considered mutinous. "Ah, it is Captain Blackheart and he seems to have done himself a mischief. Did you hear that, Flash?"

 

"Aye Sir," Flasheyed Gripper called out.

 

"I am assuming command," the Quartermaster said and picked the unconscious captain up, slinging him over his shoulder. "One hundred and eighty degree turn, Gripper. Let's go home."

 

"Aye, Sir," Flasheyed Gripper called out, relieved that they were going to turn around and sail back to Umbar. Hopefully Bartholomew Blackheart would stay unconscious long enough for them to get most of the way back.

 

The ship made a wide circle and turned back to whence it had come. The Quartermaster took the Captain to his cabin and slung him on the bed. The Captain was still breathing but out cold. It had been a silly idea to defy the Master of the Corsairs, Ironfist reflected, and he had been proved right. He and the captain had argued about it previously and now it had come to this. The Quartermaster was not at all surprised and wondered just how this turn of fate had come about. Not wishing to dwell for too long on the one whom he did not mind admitting terrified him, the Quartermaster walked out of the cabin and locked the door behind him. Already the mist was clearing.

 

"Land Ahoy," Little Jimmy Spaggot shouted from the crows nest. There was nothing little about Jimmy Spaggot. He was seven foot tall with a chest three feet wide, but in the way of those piratical masters of mirth he was christened with the appellation that was the opposite to how he actually looked. "Doesn't look like anywhere we have been before though."

 

"What did he say?" Quartermaster Ironfist asked Flasheyed Griper.

 

"Damned if I know," Gripper answered. "I caught that he can see land but not the rest."

 

"No doubt talking out of his arse," Quartermaster Ironfist said shaking his head. He pulled out his spyglass and looked through it. "Ah, yes! There is land alright. Looks like nowhere we have ever been. I felt you turn the ship so I can't explain it. Edhellond looks much bigger than we were led to believe."

 

"It might not be Edhellond," Flasheyed Gripper said darkly. "Who knows where we have ended up?"

 

"I suggest we do not tell the crew that it might not be Edhellond," Ironfist said. "You know how superstitious they are."

 

"Agreed." Gripper swung the wheel around. "Shall we make for that small island over there, Quartermaster?"

 

"Indeed," Ironfist replied, a large smile on his suntanned face. "You know, it rather looks like the sort of island a rich uncle would buy for his nephews and nieces to have jolly adventures on."

 

The pirate ship drew into a small bay on the opposite side of the island to where Haldir and the other elflings were staying. The sails were furled and all was quiet. It was obvious that there was a large city straddling both sides of the river that fed into the sea and it would be circumspect to keep their position quiet. The ship was isolated and the Quartermaster hoped to sail away under cover of darkness, but as it was early morning the escape would be at least twelve hours away. They could not win; the fleet of elven ships in the harbour promised danger and a chase that would utterly defeat them.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

The next morning saw the elflings making breakfast and on the other side of the island the pirates had secreted their ship into a small cove and hoped they were well hidden. They would wait until night time but now, to pass the time, they could explore the island.

 

"Orophin, you have made us a scrummy breakfast yet again," Haldir said enthusiastically. "I am really looking forward to this."

 

"Who was that you were talking to during the night?" Orophin asked.

 

"Uncle Círdan sent two warriors to check on us because of the sea mist. He thought it might cover the island and we might have to be rescued."

 

"He really is the most frightfully funny old duffer, isn't he?" Orophin laughed. "Fancy thinking that we could not look after ourselves with you here."

 

Haldir beamed with pride. Orophin said such wonderful things about him and even though he was naturally modest he knew it was all true.

 

"Well, I think it was really good of him to do that," Legolas said, his mouth full of bread.

 

"Don't talk with your mouth open," Orophin said. "Wait until you have finished."

 

"Well, I agree with Legolas," Rúmil said, "and my mouth is not full either. Look!"

 

"Of course it was good of Uncle Cirdan," Haldir said as he picked up his glass. "This ginger beer is simply spiffing."

 

"I was merely remarking that he worries over nothing." Orophin took another large loaf of bread out of the nearest food hamper and sliced it. He spread farm fresh butter over it and offered the slices around.

 

"That is the second loaf we have eaten for breakfast," Rúmil exclaimed happily. "Are there any eggs and ham left?"

 

When the contents of the hamper had been eaten the elflings decided to go exploring. At the same time the pirates had decided to explore the other side of the island.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

The trek through the forest was pleasant enough for the elflings. Rúmil and Legolas held hands and smiled at each other in the secret way the suddenly shy manage, even though they had known each other for years.

 

"Oh look," Haldir exclaimed. "Here is a cave partly hidden by hanging vegetation." He swept the green curtain away with his hand. "We have to be very careful in here. One false step and that could be it."

 

"I brought some lamps," Orophin said as he fished them out of his backpack. "I rather suspected that we would find a hidden cave somewhere."

 

"That's because we always do, isn't it?" Legolas said happily. Peter the tiger purred as he thought his master very clever indeed.

 

Haldir looked admiringly at Orophin. "You are always so well prepared," he sighed happily. "It is lucky you can think of things that us ordinary ellyn forget about."

 

They stepped into the cave, Haldir leading and Orophin behind, with Rúmil, Legolas and Peter in-between. The sound of distant dripping rang in the air which smelt damp, but not unpleasantly so.

 

"I say, it is marvellously spooky in here," Rúmil shouted and jumped when his voice echoed. Peter the tiger roared with laughter which caused the rest of them to laugh as well.

 

"Shush," Haldir said urgently. "I can hear voices."

 

The cave system led under the purple, heather-covered mountains, through to the other side of the island. The voices approached and so the elflings backed up silently. They hid around a rock making no sound at all.

 

Two pirates came into view. They stopped by the rocks and looked as if they were about to discover the elflings when Peter jumped out and roared at them. Faced with a huge cat with monster sized fangs, the pirates wet their kegs and ran off in the direction they came from, yelling for all they were worth.

 

"They were obviously up to no good," Orophin said disapprovingly. "Haldir, did you see their faces? They looked as if they had not washed for a week."

 

"A classic sign of a ne'er do well," Haldir agreed.

 

"One of them had a moustache," Rúmil said brightly.

 

"That proves my point," Haldir said grimly.

 

"One cannot trust men with facial hair," Legolas told them. "My ada says the only one ever who can be trusted, who has facial hair, is Uncle Círdan. I think he is right because he knows everything."

 

"I would agree," Haldir said to Legolas and patted Peter on the head. "Well done," he said. "You are a very clever tiger."

 

Peter looked adoringly at Haldir and licked his hand. Then he looked at Legolas, whom he loved most of all and licked his bare leg. "Oh Peter, you are so licky," Legolas exclaimed and laughed. They all laughed because it took very little to amuse them.

 

"We should go back now," Haldir told them. "This needs to be reported to Uncle Círdan. He will want to know that men who are obviously from the lowest dregs of the criminal classes are on the island."

 

"Absolutely," Orophin agreed. "We cannot have ragamuffins and riff raff on our island. Otherwise it will not be habitable anymore."

 

"I would quite like to be a ragamuffin," Legolas said brightly. "Wouldn't you Rúmil?"

 

"Do not answer him," Haldir said to Rúmil. "He is being very silly."

 

"Do you remember when we went to the fair and caught that gang of international troll smugglers," Legolas asked Rúmil. "They were dressed like ragamuffins."

 

"That is because they were," Haldir said. "They were elflings and not smuggling trolls at all."

 

"I remember them," Orophin remarked. "Their language was shocking. I thought their grasp of Sindarin very poor."

 

"We are lucky that our boarding school gives us such an exemplary education," Haldir smiled. "Not all are as lucky as us."

 

"They looked like troll smugglers," Legolas pouted. "You believe me, don't you, Rúmil?"

 

"I am sure they were troll smugglers and Haldir is just being a wet blanket," Rúmil said reassuringly, even though he knew that stealing a stuffed toy in the shape of a troll and running away didn't make one a member of the criminal classes. He looked at his friend; how beautiful Legolas looked as the light from the lamp lit up his pale skin. Rúmil felt his willy moving. How embarrassing. Rúmil hoped that Legolas did not notice his leggings poking out in front of him.

 

Legolas took Rúmil's hand and smiled at him. "I knew you would remember," he said happily and gave Rúmil a dazzling smile which made him feel all sort of funny inside.

 

They reached the forest and stepped outside the cave. The path led to the edge of the forest where it met the beach.

 

"We need to let Uncle Círdan know that there are undesirable types threatening Mithlond," Haldir said. "Unfortunately the mist is rising up; I don't know if we would get to the shore before it became thick fog."

 

"Haldir and I will keep watch through the night," Orophin said. "Now I vote that we do not go anywhere this afternoon but stay on the beach and play a game of rounders."

 

"A sensible idea," Haldir said. "We will stay here and hope that the warriors are able to visit, like they did last night."

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

"We were chased by a fierce tiger," Sly Eyed Ben told the Quartermaster. "But when it stopped chasing us we heard kids' voices."

 

"We will delay our departure and explore," Quartermaster Ironfist said and smiled. "Perhaps we shall profit from this after all. A small party will cross the island tonight and use light signals to keep in touch. We can take hostages, thus ensuring our safe passage out. I am told, most reliably, that elves value their elflings above everything."

 

The three corsairs looked at one another and guffawed horribly.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

Night drew in. The sea mist cleared but the cloud cover remained so that Ithil's light was shielded, making a crossing to Mithlond very unsafe indeed. Haldir looked up because he thought he saw something flashing. He was right! High up, on the lower slopes of the mountains there was a flashing of lights.

 

It is obviously a signal, thought Haldir who was used to such things, having trained in their use at school. I wonder where it is being sent to.

 

He looked around and saw nothing. He turned his head and looked up into the mountains again. They remained dark. "Did you see that?" he asked Orophin. "I saw a light flashing. I am sure it was a signal but I cannot be sure where the recipient is."

 

"Oh dear," Orophin exclaimed. "I wonder if those criminal types are looking to harm us."

 

"I wouldn't be at all surprised," Haldir said as he stood up. "We need to ..."

 

Haldir's voice faltered as he saw the group of corsairs surrounding them. The only place they could run was the sea.

 

"Where are the others?" Little Jimmy Spaggot snarled.

 

"There are no others," Haldir said bravely, not daring to look towards the tent where Legolas and Rúmil were sleeping with Peter in-between them.

 

Spivey Ratcruncher, so called because he liked to eat ships rats alive by tearing their heads off with his teeth, asked why there was a second tent.

 

"Oh, our pet tiger likes to sleep in his own tent," Orophin said nonchalantly.

 

"Must be the same one that Sly Eyed Ben was telling the Quartermaster about," Catgobbler Miggins remarked.

 

"There are quite a few tigers on the island," Haldir lied and smirked. "All of them vicious."

 

"How come your one is a pet then?" Spivey Ratcruncher thought he had the elflings there.

 

"He raised us from toddlers when our parents fell down a well," Orophin said and smiled at Haldir who wanted to laugh at the witticism.

 

The corsairs hummed and hawed, but in the end they were content to tie Haldir and Orophin's wrists together and force them to march all the way across the island to the ship. None of them checked the tent, just in case Peter launched himself at them.

 

Legolas and Rumil sat up in the tent, terrified. They had heard Haldir asking where they were being taken, and one of the corsairs replying that they were going to cross the island and meet the corsair ship. Another joked that they would sail and take them back as a prize to the Master of the Corsairs.

 

When all was quiet, Legolas sent Peter out to see if the area was safe. The tiger came back into the tent without any commotion occurring outside.

 

"I think it is safe for now," Legolas said. "We really should go to the mainland and get help."

 

"We won't be able to until morning," Rúmil replied. "By that time the ship could have sailed. "Let's signal to the shore and hope someone receives it and then we can go and look for them. The humans won't be able to cover their tracks very well as they are too heavy footed, so it should be easy to follow their trail."

 

Legolas and Rúmil stood with lamps held high and facing the mainland. They sent the message for, 'urgent help needed' in the form they learned when in school. Over the next half hour they repeated the message and jumped for joy when a message was sent back to tell them help would be coming.

 

 

 

The elflings took off down the beach, with a few provisions in their backpacks in case they became hungry or thirsty. Very soon they found the trail, including the cleverly bent undergrowth that Haldir or Orophin must have kicked down as they walked along so it now pointed in the direction they had travelled. Together they made a large arrow on the beach using white pebbles which pointed to the start of the trail so that those who came to help could follow them.

 

"Hurrah for our exclusive private education at the Junior Warriors Boarding School," Rúmil said as they followed the trail. "I doubt if any other schools teach the survival skills we will need."

 

"It does rather give us the advantage," Legolas agreed and took Rúmil's hand. "Rúmil, I have something to say to you. All of a sudden I have become quite bashful and I am not sure I know how to say the words."

 

Rúmil took Legolas' other hand and looked down. The front of Legolas' leggings indicated that he felt the same way as Rúmil did, and he knew what to say. "If you are going to say that you are falling in love with me, I already know. You feel the same way towards me as I do about you."

 

"How could you tell?" Legolas asked, amazed.

 

"My willy goes hard when I look at you as well," Rúmil said and laughed kindly, breaking the tension.

 

"I would like to kiss you," Legolas said. "Now that we are going after the corsairs there is every chance we could be killed. Would like to think that I had shared at least one kiss with the one I love."

 

Rúmil stepped forward and took Legolas in his arms. They touched lips and Legolas' hand moved to the back of Rúmil's head, drawing him in deeper as he pushed his tongue between the slightly parted lips. Both had seen adult elves kissing and there was no awkwardness as they tasted one another. However, what to do with their hard willies was an enigma to them; they hadn't a clue and thought it was something that happened when one reached a certain age and saw the one they desired. It never occurred to either of them that they could go beyond kissing and cuddling and perhaps this was as well given their age and their love of healthy contact sports.

 

Peter growled with boredom and wondered why elves felt the need to stick their tongues in each others mouths. Poor Peter was a virgin and had even less idea than the elves when it came to sex. However, he knew that time was getting on and the elves' prevarications were increasing the time it would take to get to the ship and start biting the corsairs. He pushed his nose into Legolas' buttock quite forcefully and growled again.

 

"We have to go," Legolas said. "Peter is bored and wants some action."

 

They carried on in the dark, night time forest, listening for sounds and tracking the trail left by the corsairs. After a couple of hours they reached a pass between two peaks and followed it to the other side of the island. Neither spoke, and like all elves their movements were as silent and as stealthy as a cat.

 

After another two hours they reached the bay where the ship was anchored.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

Haldir and Orophin stood before Quartermaster Ironfist. Both refused to answer his questions.

 

"Tell me your names," Ironfist shouted and slammed his fist down on the heavy wooden table.

 

"Shan't," Orophin said with a superior and disdainful look. "We do not parley with corsairs."

 

"I never offered you terms," Ironfist raged. "Now tell me your names."

 

Haldir looked at Orophin and sighed. "Lower class riff raff. Who does he think he is?"

 

"I am the Captain of this ship," Ironfist raged.

 

"I seriously doubt it," Orophin smirked. "Ship captains have more style. I say, Haldir. He really is a funny one, isn't he?"

 

"He has the most ghastly manners. If I were his nana, I would be extremely ashamed of him," Haldir gave Ironfist a condescending look that was dressed up as sympathy. "Do you even care what your parents think of you?"

 

"My parents are dead," Ironfist screamed. "How dare you mention them."

 

"They probably died of embarrassment," Orophin said looking compassionate but with a huge smirk in his voice.

 

"I killed them, if you must know," Ironfist screeched. "Just like I am going to kill you."

 

"I seriously doubt it," Haldir said haughtily. "If we do not send constant signals to the mainland then our Uncle will be alerted and will mount a rescue attempt. You are a very silly man indeed to think that you can win."

 

"I always win," Ironfist sneered in the elflings faces. "And I will win this time as well, no matter who your uncle is. Even if he is the ruler if Edhellond I will beat him."

 

"Your breath is repulsive. Have you cleaned your teeth today?" Orophin asked. "Please do not breathe in my direction."

 

Haldir looked at Orophin. "Dragged up," he commented and waved his fingers in front of his nose as if to waft the smell away.

 

"As I said, even the ruler of Edhellond cannot stop me." Ironfist gave a cruel smirk and then looked surprised because Haldir and Orophin asked what the ruler of Edhellond had to do with anything.

 

"He is the ruler of this city, you simpletons," Ironfist sneered.

 

Haldir looked at Orophin and smiled. He turned to Ironfist. "You don't actually have a clue where you are, do you?"

 

"We are in Edhellond," Ironfist said with a tinge of uncertainty which he tried to hide.

 

"Of course we are," Haldir replied in a voice that left no doubt to the corsairs that they were in a different place entirely.

 

"Where are we them?" Ironfist asked, his temper barely under control.

 

"Find out for yourself," Orophin said with the utmost righteousness. "It is not up to us to help you."

 

"Yes, you are about to face the wrath of the elven navy. They let you sail in but they won't let you sail out again." Haldir grinned widely. "I expect you will get an awful beating when our Uncle finds out that you have kidnapped us."

 

"That is why you are both hostages," Ironfist said, his voice more controlled. "It is obvious that your parents have some standing in the community and you are not ordinary elflings because of the way you talk to us."

 

Bartholomew Blackheart chose that moment to walk into the interrogation room. "I have been in touch with the Master of the Corsairs. He appeared to me via the crystal ball and said that who we have here are none other than the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn's adopted children. I believe your names are Haldir and Orophin. Your parents do not dress you very well, do they?" Bartholomew looked down and sneered at the elflings mode of dress. They wore short leather leggings, hardy walking boots, cotton socks and tops made from knitted cotton.

 

"You are a dreadful snob," Orophin said defensively. "Our clothing is suited to the task and at least it isn't stolen like yours is."

 

"I bet your clothing was stolen off someone's washing line," Haldir sneered. "If only you knew how to coordinate properly so that you did not look like a glaring fool."

 

Bartholomew Blackheart backhanded Haldir across the face so that he fell backward and hit his head on a beam. He felt woozy and vomited over the Captain's buckled boots.

 

"You have been sick over my boots," Bartholomew snarled. "You will pay for that."

 

"Why should I when you can go into town and steal another pair?" Haldir said and fell backwards, hitting his head again, after another blow from Blackheart.

 

"You scoundrel," Orophin shouted as he cradled Haldir's head in his hands. "Just who do you think you are?"

 

"Bartholomew Blackheart, Captain of the 'Ulmo'." The captain did a little bow and then he laughed as if possessed.

 

Orophin looked disapprovingly. "He said he was the captain." He pointed to Quartermaster Ironfist.

 

"No I never," Ironfist said as if shocked.

 

"Did he?" Bartholomew raged at Little Jimmy Spaggot, Spivey Ratcruncher and Catgobbler Miggins. They looked embarrassed and studied the floor intently. "So you did, you bastard," Bartholomew raged, and punched Quartermaster Ironfist hard in the face. Then he wiped his hand with the stolen lace handkerchief trimmed with lace from Pelargir.

 

Quartermaster Ironfist stood up and punched Bartholomew Blackheart so hard that he flew across the room and smacked his head off the same beam that Haldir had hit. "Put him in a net and swing it from the bowsprit."

 

The corsairs shuffled nervously and Ironfist told them that he was assuming command and they could join Bartholomew Blackheart if they did not agree. Careful not to even mutter, they took the captain and left.

 

The room was empty apart from Quartermaster Ironfist and the elflings. "We sail tonight on the tide. You are our means of leaving safely and when we are far away we will drop you on a remote island. Whether you survive is up to how resourceful you both are." He walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

"There is the ship," Legolas said to Rúmil who was beside him, crouching in the undergrowth. Peter crouched beside them, also aware of the need for concealment. "How are we going to get aboard?"

 

"Perhaps we could create a diversion," Rúmil suggested. He bit into one of the cakes they had packed in the backpacks and thought about it. Peter nudged Rúmil with his nose. "I know! Peter can attack a few of the corsairs while we climb aboard and release Orophin and Haldir. Look, there are a couple of them carrying supplies. I say, Peter, go down there and scare the living daylights out of them."

 

Legolas gripped Rúmil's hand tightly. "This should be simply spiffing," he said with a wide grin.

 

Peter was a fully grown tiger. He adored Legolas as he had raised him from a cub. He liked Legolas' friends as well and thought they were simply marvellous for having so many thrilling adventures. Now Peter could do what he had always aspired to do; he could become a man-eating tiger. The two corsairs dropped the pole with the two water buckets in surprise when Peter leapt out in front of them. The huge cat leapt at them and tore their throats out before they could raise the alarm.

 

"I say, look at that," Legolas said, watching the scene greedily. "I doubt if they will trouble us anymore."

 

Peter saw the gangplank leading to a rocky outcrop that had a winding path down to the beach. Legolas saw it too as he followed the trail down to the beach. "No doubt the bay has been used by smugglers before," he said knowingly to Rúmil, who agreed with him. "I wonder if that is why Uncle Círdan told us not to go over this side of the island."

 

"Uncle Círdan would never encourage smuggling," Rúmil retorted. "That is a horrid thing to say."

 

"I meant that Uncle Círdan wanted to keep us safe because he knew that smugglers had visited before," Legolas said, his mind full of innocence and not questioning how Círdan managed to always have more rare and costly gems and silks than any other ruler.

 

"I am sorry," Rúmil said quickly.

 

"Never mind," Legolas replied. "I suppose that was our first disagreement, wasn't it?"

 

Rúmil smiled and kissed Legolas on the lips. "Let's hurry; I think Peter is going aboard and we should too."

 

They scrambled down the purple heather-covered slope, weaved through the long grass and sprinted across the small patch of sand. Peter had just boarded the ship and was roaring away happily while the pirates flung daggers at him and screamed. The big cat had elven masters so, like them, he was fleet of movement; he easily dodged the missiles and didn't stop roaring until the last of the crew on the deck had climbed up the masts.

 

"What's going on here?" Flasheyed Gripper roared as he set foot on the deck. He had been in Quartermaster Ironfist's cabin playing a game which involved them dressing up as an innocent mermaid and a rapacious pirate and dancing merry jigs before hanging upside down from a beam and having sex. He was confronted by Peter who roared loudly with mouth wide open, showing every single one of his shining white teeth and fangs. "Good kitty," Gripper said nervously while fingering his dagger.

 

Peter sat down and smiled at Gripper who looked relieved. He walked over to the tiger who promptly bit his arm off.

 

"Argh!" Gripper yelled as he rolled around the deck in agony.

 

"I say, he's gone soft," Legolas chirruped. He laughed and Rúmil did too. They walked up to Gripper who was pointing at the tiger and telling them to climb up a mast. "Have you seen two elflings?"

 

Gripper continued to yell in agony and Rúmil kicked his side. "We asked you a question. It isn't as though you lost both arms so stop making such a meal of it."

 

"Tiger..." Gripper moaned and pointed to Peter standing behind the elflings.

 

"Correct," Legolas said. "Now where are the elflings that were taken aboard this ship?"

 

"Tiger..." Gripper moaned a second time.

 

"Peter bite his other arm off if he refuses to tell us," Legolas ordered.

 

Gripper looked astonished. He pointed to the quarterdeck.

 

"You have made the deck awfully slippery with your blood," Rúmil remarked disdainfully. "I bet your bedroom isn't tidy either."

 

The elflings delicately stepped over the blood and made their way to the quarterdeck where they found Orophin and Haldir locked in a big iron cage.

 

"Rúmil, Legolas, how did you get here?" Orophin exclaimed.

 

"We came to rescue you," Rúmil said proudly. "Gosh, look at Haldir, sleeping at a time like this."

 

"That ne'er do well captain hit Haldir and knocked him out. He hit his head on a beam," Orophin told them. "The purser has the keys. His name is Cherry Warthog."

 

"That's an odd name for a corsair," Legolas remarked and cocked his ear. "I think Peter has just eaten another corsair. Hurrah for Peter!"

 

"I think he is called that because he wears a blond wig with ringlets and a little red bonnet," Orophin said. "His face reminds one of a warthog; which is unfortunate for any future wife he might acquire."

 

The elflings laughed good-naturedly and Haldir stirred. Orophin stroked his face and uttered soothing words to send him back to sleep again. "Don't wake Haldir up. He has had such a blow he might be sick again."

 

"We will find the keys," Rúmil assured his brother and took Legolas by the hand.

 

Every time one of the corsairs lost their grip and landed on the deck Peter leapt towards them and bit them hard. "It is good to see Peter enjoying himself," Legolas exclaimed. "I am sure he appreciates being able to be so helpful."

 

"I admire how well he joins in," Rúmil agreed. "He really is a team player, isn't he?"

 

They looked up into the rigging and the mast poles to see if they could spot a pirate wearing a red bonnet with blonde ringlets poking out the bottom.

 

"Let's not tarry about here," Legolas suggested. "The captain might have another set of keys."

 

They tried the handle to the Captain's cabin door. It was locked. "I bet he is hiding in there like the yellow coward he is," Rúmil exclaimed angrily.

 

"I say, you are very masterful when you are angry," Legolas said admiringly.

 

"Oh, gosh. Do you think so?" Rúmil smiled bashfully and felt his cheeks flush.

 

"I didn't think the captain would be such a softy," Legolas called loudly.

 

"That's Quartermaster Ironfist," the cabin boy said as he poked his head out of a barrel. "He is the new captain now."

 

"Do you know where Cherry Warthog is?" Rúmil asked.

 

"He is in the captain's cabin. They are playing smack the oliphaunt."

 

"Thank you," Legolas said. "You had better remain hidden. I expect the quartermaster will give you the most awful beating if he finds out that you have aided us."

 

The cabin boy looked grateful and pulled the lid back over the barrel.

 

"Poor boy." Rúmil said softly. "No doubt he is one of those impulsive and unruly urchins we see from time to time, that appear bad and yet have a heart of gold."

 

"How wonderful it would be if we could help him after all this," Legolas said. "You know, provide him with a proper education and somewhere to live other than a barrel. He could even have a decent trade when older. I hear Mirkwood is crying out for road sweepers. He would have to promise not to steal anything though."

 

Rúmil wondered if it was worth telling Legolas that the cabin boy did not actually live in the barrel, and decided it was not. He wasn't sure where he might live and had heard gossip that a cabin boy was required to share the captain's quarters on long sea voyages. I do not know that there would be that much cleaning and tidying to do, Rúmil thought to himself. It must be rather boring being a cabin boy...

 

"I say," Legolas shouted as he hammered on the captain's door. "Open up at once."

 

"Shan't!" A pig-like face surrounded by a red bonnet regarded them with a taunting smile. Cherry Warthog waved a bunch of keys and sneered.

 

"Peter, smash this door in," Legolas ordered. The huge cat flung himself at the door and it splintered into a million bits. He leapt into the room and bit Cherry Warthog in half with his powerful jaws.

 

Peter brought the keys out in his mouth and gave them to Legolas. "Good boy," his master said and stroked his head between the ears. Peter was so excited he licked Legolas' leg. "Oh Peter, you are so licky," Legolas exclaimed and laughed.

 

The elflings raced off to the quarterdeck with Peter and released Haldir and Orophin. They went to run back down to the deck so they could escape off the side of the ship and were met by Quartermaster Ironfist who brandished two fierce looking sabre blades at them. "You are going nowhere," he said in his gruffest voice.

 

"He is a common blackguard; take no notice of him," Haldir said with his customary air of sensible superiority.

 

Ironfist took a baby kitten out of his pocket; it could not have been more than five days old. The ship's cat mewed pitifully beside him pleading for her offspring to be given back. The corsair looked at Peter. "If you make even one move, the kitten gets it."

 

Peter was horrified and conceded defeat until a time when he could kill the new captain.

 

"You boys will get back in that cage," Ironfist said to Haldir and Orophin. He turned to Legolas and Rúmil. "You two can get in with them." He herded the elflings towards the cage but stopped short when an arrow whizzed past his ear.

 

"Unhand those elflings at once," a commanding voice boomed from a white elven ship that drew up alongside.

 

"Hurrah, it's Uncle Círdan," the elflings cried. "Three cheers for being rescued in the nick of time. Hip, hip, hooray..."

 

The quartermaster let the kitten drop to the floor and the mother cat ran up and retrieved her mewling offspring. At the same time, Ironfist grabbed hold of Orophin and held a dagger to his throat.

 

"I will slit your daughter's throat if you come any nearer," he shouted.

 

An arrow whizzed through the air and hit him square in the forehead. It was with a very surprised grimace that Quartermaster Ironfist fell gracefully to the floor and was no more. Peter regarded the dead corsair and bit him because he could.

 

The elven sailors boarded the corsair ship and quickly took charge. Peter joyfully bit any of the corsairs who tried to escape and after an hour or so they were rounded up and stood huddled together, looking fearful and frightened. One of the elves told Peter to clean up all the limbs he had bitten off and soon there was a neat pile of arms and legs in the centre of the deck.

 

"Peter does so like to help," Legolas laughed as he hugged his ada.

 

"What a smashing time you five have had," Thranduil exclaimed as he held his ion tight in his arms.

 

"Yes we have, and I would like to do it all over again. I told you we would have a wonderful adventure," Legolas said happily.

 

"Nana," Rúmil exclaimed. "We have had the jolliest of adventures."

 

Galadriel looked at her young elfling and saw that his innocence was partly lost. A vision of the future showed two adult elves holding one another and doing a bit more than kissing. She blinked to clear her head of the vision and smiled. She knew that Rúmil and Legolas were soul mates and that the attraction would grow in intensity until they gave in to it. I can see a fiftieth begetting day and wedding rolled into one, she thought.

 

Orophin continued to hold Haldir as Celeborn checked him over. "Your brother will need to spend some time with the healers," he said to Orophin. "You know, I think that without your care he would not have survived. You did very well, Orophin. I am so proud of you."

 

"Gosh," Orophin blushed and smiled. "That's awfully decent of you, Ada."

 

"It is the truth," Celeborn said. "You are a brave elfling and soon you will be a valiant elf who always does what is right and has a fine heart. Not many possess that quality." He hugged his ion hard, his heart bursting with pride.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Sauron, the Master of the Corsairs laughed as he looked in his scrying ball. "This is priceless. That will show them that going against me doesn't pay." He picked the ball up and took it across the room to where an ellyth sat, dressed in the finest silks and looking bored. The finest of chains ran from her wrist to a metal ring on the wall. "Would you like to see your ion Legolas, my Queen?"

 

"One day he will play a part in defeating you and I shall be free," the Queen said, not looking up from her book.

 

"That will never happen," Sauron retorted. "The very idea is preposterous."

 

"As are you," the Queen replied and turned the page. "Now go away, I am trying to read and you keep interrupting. You are being very bad mannered."

 

"You spoil everything," Sauron shouted petulantly. "I thought you might want to know that your ion helped defeat a ship full of corsairs."

 

"Liar," the Queen said and smirked at Sauron. "You just cannot help yourself, can you?"

 

Sauron stormed off to sulk in his bedroom. Sometimes he really regretted capturing the Queen of the Mirkwood. She had shown defiance and a proud haughtiness when she should have been terrified and cowering. What did it take, Sauron wondered, for her to look at least slightly worried. She wants me to kill her so she can be reborn in Valinor, Sauron thought. I will not give her the satisfaction, not until I stop desiring her.

 

The queen sighed. The scrying ball lay discarded on the floor. With her foot she could just reach it. The ball rolled towards her and she picked it up. Legolas sat chattering to his ada. Two tears, one for each of the loved ones she had left behind, escaped from her eye before she took the scrying ball in her hand and threw it at the opposite wall, where it smashed into a million pieces.

 

ooO~*~Ooo

 

The ships sailed to Mithlond and the corsairs were put in the cells. Bartholomew Blackheart was sentenced to a life imprisonment with hard labour for striking Haldir, which was nothing less than he deserved. As he was led away he was heard to mutter, "We could have got away with it if it wasn't for you nosey kids." The four elflings and Peter looked at him and smiled with the righteous air of those who are always morally right.

 

"That nasty man shan't trouble us again; he will go away for years," Orophin said.

 

"There will be no parole for him," Haldir grinned.

 

"Quite right too," Legolas said and squeezed Rúmil's hand. "Isn't that right, Rúmil?"

 

Rúmil nodded and told Legolas that in his eyes he was always right.

 

The rest of the pirates were taken to a dessert island, far out at sea and given the means to make a farm so they could live off the land. There was no way to escape and they would be there forever. Privately, Círdan doubted they would last the winter but he considered it fair justice in view of what the corsairs would have done to the elflings.

 

The corsair's ship, 'The Ulmo' was set alight in the estuary of the Lhûn and there were celebratory fireworks and a huge party, during which, in a large public ceremony, the elflings were given medals for defeating the corsairs and being valiant in the face of danger.

 

The ship blazed merrily and as the masts fell with a creaking grace Legolas looked at Círdan. "Uncle," he said. "What happened to the cabin boy?"

 

"What cabin boy?" Círdan asked.

 

Legolas' eyes widened and he put his hand to his mouth. Surely not, he thought and then decided to say nothing. After all, it would be churlish to make a fuss after everyone had gone to so much trouble to make such a spiffing good show of it all.


End file.
